After Liverpool’s impressive midweek demolition of a not at all impressive Real Madrid, talk is once again centering on whether Rafa Benitez’s prefers the Champions League to the day-to-day slog of the Premier League.
This talk will only get louder if Liverpool lose to Manchester United when the two teams meet at Old Trafford tomorrow lunchtime, which they probably will.
But I think I’ve figured out what the Merseysiders’ problem is, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they prefer playing in Europe than they do in Middlesborough.
It is this: they are vampires.
Think about it, it’s obvious. In daylight Liverpool are useless. They are weak and powerless, able to be outfought and outfoxed by teams such as Stoke City.
Place them under cover of darkness, though, and the team become invincible, devouring Spanish legends and Italian giants as if they were pale-skinned virgins.
It’s a surprise that at the end of the match the players don’t drive away in Aston Martins and Porsches but instead turn into bats and fly back to Cheshire.
A piece of advice for Liverpool’s next Champions League opponents. Don’t bother with scouting reports or team formations, instead stock up on wooden stakes and cloves of garlic.
If all this fails, the team in red – is it dye or is it blood? – will once more win club football’s grandest trophy in Rome on the 27th of May.
But look closely as Steven Gerrard kisses the cup.
You will not see a reflection staring back at him.
This talk will only get louder if Liverpool lose to Manchester United when the two teams meet at Old Trafford tomorrow lunchtime, which they probably will.
But I think I’ve figured out what the Merseysiders’ problem is, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they prefer playing in Europe than they do in Middlesborough.
It is this: they are vampires.
Think about it, it’s obvious. In daylight Liverpool are useless. They are weak and powerless, able to be outfought and outfoxed by teams such as Stoke City.
Place them under cover of darkness, though, and the team become invincible, devouring Spanish legends and Italian giants as if they were pale-skinned virgins.
It’s a surprise that at the end of the match the players don’t drive away in Aston Martins and Porsches but instead turn into bats and fly back to Cheshire.
A piece of advice for Liverpool’s next Champions League opponents. Don’t bother with scouting reports or team formations, instead stock up on wooden stakes and cloves of garlic.
If all this fails, the team in red – is it dye or is it blood? – will once more win club football’s grandest trophy in Rome on the 27th of May.
But look closely as Steven Gerrard kisses the cup.
You will not see a reflection staring back at him.
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