After going through piles and piles of statistics, here's my list of the world's top 50 footballers:
1. Kaka (Milan)
The top four are incredibly tight, but he just edges it for one simple reason: he combines Brazilian flair with European directness like nobody else. He truly is a product of two footballing cultures, a man who has all the virtues and none of the vices of either. Speaking of vices, he really, really doesn’t have any. A committed Christian, he announced proudly that he was a virgin on his wedding night. He likes to parade around in his favourite T-shirt, the one that reads “I belong to Jesus” (thereby opening a whole can of worms regarding third-party ownership). And that’s another reason he tops the list - with Kaka in your team, odds are, the big fella upstairs will be on your side as well...
2. Ronaldinho (Barcelona)
There’s a reason he’s always smiling. You’d be smiling all the time too if you knew that you were the best player on the pitch and you were about to make some poor defender look a jackass. He is the poster child for Brazilian football, the proud heir of those who came before him. He didn’t adapt to the European game, he forced it to adapt to him. Put him on the team sheet, sit back and enjoy the show.
3. Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United)
In the P.C. era (pre-Cristiano) wingers were slight, nippy and small. He redefined the position marrying size and brawn with pace and trickery. You get the sense that, when he’s running at defenders, he could go around them or straight through them. As an added bonus, he’s also an aerial threat on set pieces.
4. Samuel Eto’o (Barcelona)
He’s tired of playing second fiddle to Ronaldinho and with good reason. If he were anywhere else, people would be writing odes and sonnets to him. Eto’o is freakishly quick, an outstanding finisher, with a supernatural eye for goal. Plus, he’s happy to do the dirty work when the other side has possession. Just make sure you continue to massage his ego.
5. Michael Essien (Chelsea)
A one-man wrecking crew. Is there anything he can’t do? You could probably let the rest of the team go off for a fag break in the middle of the game and let him man the fort in midfield. Terrifyingly gifted already and, if given more responsibility, likely to get even better.
6. Gianluigi Buffon (Juventus)
Simply put, he’s a freak of nature. No man his size should be so athletic. His agility belies the laws of physics and he is about as unflappable as they come. Having a guy like him in your side means that defeats turn into draws and draws into victories. That alone is worth an extra ten to 15 points at the end of a season.
7. Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)
Speaking of heroics, he’s done it so many times, it’s easy to lose track. If Gerrard were a few inches taller and a few pounds more slight, we would marvel at his pure technical ability. Instead, we focus on his bruising workrate and other more obvious qualities. Don’t worry about fitting him into your side. Just do what Rafa does. Line up your nine other outfield players and let Gerrard do whatever he likes.
8. Carlos Tevez (West Ham)
A single-minded winner, who has carried whole clubs on his back in Argentina, Brazil and England. Tevez’s contribution isn’t measured in just goals and assists, but in self-sacrifice and heroism. With a season of European football under his belt, there is no telling how much better he’s going to be next year.
9. Leo Messi (Barcelona)
Leave Maradona out of it for a minute. Focus instead on that when the ball is at his feet, unless you’re Nostradamus, you have absolutely no idea what will happen next. There is no legislating for unpredictability in football and Messi has bags of it. Plus, his 14 Liga goals last year show that he has added a healthy scoring dimension to his game as well.
10. Francesco Totti (Roma)
His job is to create, not finish, and yet he won the European Golden Boot this season with 26 league goals: a total made all the more remarkable when you throw in the fact that he uncharacteristically missed six penalties along the way. (At least he made the ones that mattered in the World Cup.) That alone should get him on the list - his vision and phenomenal range of passing are bonuses.
And the list continues…….
11. Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)
12. Thierry Henry (Barcelona)
13. Sergio Ramos (Real Madrid)
14. Petr Cech (Chelsea)
15. Ruud van Nistelrooy (Real Madrid)
16. Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
17. Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Inter)
18. Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal)
19. Daniel Alves (Seville)
20. Iker Casillas (Real Madrid)
21. Carles Puyol (Barcelona)
22. Didier Drogba (Chelsea)
23. Ronaldo (Milan)
24. Andriy Shevchenko (Chelsea)
25. Dimitar Berbatov (Tottenham Hotspur)
26. Michael Ballack (Chelsea)
27. David Villa (Valencia)
28. Mahamadou Diarra (Real Madrid)
29. Andrea Pirlo (Milan)
30. John Terry (Chelsea)
31. Florent Malouda (Lyons)
32. Jamie Carragher (Liverpool)
33. Javier Zanetti (Inter)
34. David Beckham (Los Angeles Galaxy)
35. Fernando Torres (Liverpool)
36. Dejan Stankovic (Inter)
37. Daniele De Rossi (Roma)
38. Paul Scholes (Manchester United)
39. “Lucho” Gonzalez (Porto)
40. Juninho Pernambucano (Lyons)
41. Alessandro Nesta (Milan)
42. Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (Ajax)
43. Hernan Crespo (Inter)
44. Rino Gattuso (Milan)
45. Diego (Werder Bremen)
46. Rodrigo Palacio (Boca Juniors)
47. Phillip Lahm (Bayern Munich)
48. Jefferson Farfan (PSV Eindhoven)
49. Clarence Seedorf (Milan)
50. Gary Neville (Manchester United)
The top four are incredibly tight, but he just edges it for one simple reason: he combines Brazilian flair with European directness like nobody else. He truly is a product of two footballing cultures, a man who has all the virtues and none of the vices of either. Speaking of vices, he really, really doesn’t have any. A committed Christian, he announced proudly that he was a virgin on his wedding night. He likes to parade around in his favourite T-shirt, the one that reads “I belong to Jesus” (thereby opening a whole can of worms regarding third-party ownership). And that’s another reason he tops the list - with Kaka in your team, odds are, the big fella upstairs will be on your side as well...
2. Ronaldinho (Barcelona)
There’s a reason he’s always smiling. You’d be smiling all the time too if you knew that you were the best player on the pitch and you were about to make some poor defender look a jackass. He is the poster child for Brazilian football, the proud heir of those who came before him. He didn’t adapt to the European game, he forced it to adapt to him. Put him on the team sheet, sit back and enjoy the show.
3. Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United)
In the P.C. era (pre-Cristiano) wingers were slight, nippy and small. He redefined the position marrying size and brawn with pace and trickery. You get the sense that, when he’s running at defenders, he could go around them or straight through them. As an added bonus, he’s also an aerial threat on set pieces.
4. Samuel Eto’o (Barcelona)
He’s tired of playing second fiddle to Ronaldinho and with good reason. If he were anywhere else, people would be writing odes and sonnets to him. Eto’o is freakishly quick, an outstanding finisher, with a supernatural eye for goal. Plus, he’s happy to do the dirty work when the other side has possession. Just make sure you continue to massage his ego.
5. Michael Essien (Chelsea)
A one-man wrecking crew. Is there anything he can’t do? You could probably let the rest of the team go off for a fag break in the middle of the game and let him man the fort in midfield. Terrifyingly gifted already and, if given more responsibility, likely to get even better.
6. Gianluigi Buffon (Juventus)
Simply put, he’s a freak of nature. No man his size should be so athletic. His agility belies the laws of physics and he is about as unflappable as they come. Having a guy like him in your side means that defeats turn into draws and draws into victories. That alone is worth an extra ten to 15 points at the end of a season.
7. Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)
Speaking of heroics, he’s done it so many times, it’s easy to lose track. If Gerrard were a few inches taller and a few pounds more slight, we would marvel at his pure technical ability. Instead, we focus on his bruising workrate and other more obvious qualities. Don’t worry about fitting him into your side. Just do what Rafa does. Line up your nine other outfield players and let Gerrard do whatever he likes.
8. Carlos Tevez (West Ham)
A single-minded winner, who has carried whole clubs on his back in Argentina, Brazil and England. Tevez’s contribution isn’t measured in just goals and assists, but in self-sacrifice and heroism. With a season of European football under his belt, there is no telling how much better he’s going to be next year.
9. Leo Messi (Barcelona)
Leave Maradona out of it for a minute. Focus instead on that when the ball is at his feet, unless you’re Nostradamus, you have absolutely no idea what will happen next. There is no legislating for unpredictability in football and Messi has bags of it. Plus, his 14 Liga goals last year show that he has added a healthy scoring dimension to his game as well.
10. Francesco Totti (Roma)
His job is to create, not finish, and yet he won the European Golden Boot this season with 26 league goals: a total made all the more remarkable when you throw in the fact that he uncharacteristically missed six penalties along the way. (At least he made the ones that mattered in the World Cup.) That alone should get him on the list - his vision and phenomenal range of passing are bonuses.
And the list continues…….
11. Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)
12. Thierry Henry (Barcelona)
13. Sergio Ramos (Real Madrid)
14. Petr Cech (Chelsea)
15. Ruud van Nistelrooy (Real Madrid)
16. Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
17. Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Inter)
18. Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal)
19. Daniel Alves (Seville)
20. Iker Casillas (Real Madrid)
21. Carles Puyol (Barcelona)
22. Didier Drogba (Chelsea)
23. Ronaldo (Milan)
24. Andriy Shevchenko (Chelsea)
25. Dimitar Berbatov (Tottenham Hotspur)
26. Michael Ballack (Chelsea)
27. David Villa (Valencia)
28. Mahamadou Diarra (Real Madrid)
29. Andrea Pirlo (Milan)
30. John Terry (Chelsea)
31. Florent Malouda (Lyons)
32. Jamie Carragher (Liverpool)
33. Javier Zanetti (Inter)
34. David Beckham (Los Angeles Galaxy)
35. Fernando Torres (Liverpool)
36. Dejan Stankovic (Inter)
37. Daniele De Rossi (Roma)
38. Paul Scholes (Manchester United)
39. “Lucho” Gonzalez (Porto)
40. Juninho Pernambucano (Lyons)
41. Alessandro Nesta (Milan)
42. Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (Ajax)
43. Hernan Crespo (Inter)
44. Rino Gattuso (Milan)
45. Diego (Werder Bremen)
46. Rodrigo Palacio (Boca Juniors)
47. Phillip Lahm (Bayern Munich)
48. Jefferson Farfan (PSV Eindhoven)
49. Clarence Seedorf (Milan)
50. Gary Neville (Manchester United)